I
was
indoctrinated in the christian belief since i was 5 years old. This
indoctrination continued throughout my life until i graduated
high-school. (I lived on a chrisitan commune until i was 11, then i
attended a christian private school until i graduated.) At the age of
15 I had read through the bible several times. Since my mother worked
at a large christian college I hung out with those college students
quite a bit. At the age of 15, I knew much more about the bible than
the students who were studying it to become preachers.
Somehow
I still
managed to get into plenty of trouble though. In highschool and then in
college i began to "hang with the wrong crowd". I got addicted to
several drugs and was an alcoholic at age 20. For a period of my life I
was simply living to work, go to college, deal drugs, and drink. One
evening i went to the church i used to attend. (The circumstances that
surrounded this were nothing short of miraculous. It was as if 50
things went wrong / went right / had to happen just right in order for
me to actually show up.)
I
sat in the
back row "fighting" the "word of god" as the preacher preached. But i
knew that he was talking directly to me. When he gave the altar call i
literally ran down the aisle to "recommit" my life to christ. That
night i felt a change within me. I was very hungry for god and could
not read the bible enough. It seemed alive and strong like never
before. I felt the presence of god tangibly around me and with me. I
felt alive and strong in an almost supernatural way.
I
dumped my
drugs that night and never even had a desire for them or alcohol again.
In fact, when i thought of drugs or alcohol i became ill and filled
with disgust. I lived in a constant state of prayer and sought god in
every minute of my life. When i prayed for people they told me that
they had never felt such "power" before when being prayed for. Some of
them said it was like electricity was coarsing through their body and
said they knew a "change" had occured within them.
As
a musician i
began playing in the churches i attended. Over the years i attended
several different churches and in each one i was somehow elevated to be
the "worship leader". It was some of the best musical times of my life.
It was very fulfilling to be using my talent and ability to worship god
in song. In the last church i attended i became the associate pastor
and began to preach about 3 or 4 times a month. I also did much
counseling and one-on-one work with church members and others outside
the church. My whole life revolved around church and it slowly began to
erode my family life.
I
began to ask
my pastor tough questions from the bible that did not make sense to me.
The replies made even less sense. I began to question the concept of
"hell" because of the "loving" nature of god. I researched it more and
more and found out that the bible does not speak of an eternal torture
for the unsaved. I wondered what else the church had been teaching that
was "wrong" and not the right thing to teach.
When
i quit my
church and left the associate pastor position the church by in large,
treated me like an outcast. Some of what they were saying got back to
me and i couldn't believe it. My life began to get better and better
without church and without god. I was still 'hungry' for god, but i
noticed that that hunger was much better satiated by spending time with
my family, the arts, and philosophical discussion than going to a
church where me and my wife went one way to sit and listen to somebody
talk, and my kids went another way to do the same.
We
began to
spend more time as a family together. Sometimes we would have a bible
study but it didn't matter, it was the time together that was
important. I realized that it was not god and the bible that satisfied
us, but the presence of "god" in each other that satisfied us. Then as
i studied the inconsistencies in the bible more and more, I began to
wonder how "perfect" it could be.
I
began to doubt that the word of god was perfect. And if the word of god
was not perfect, how could i take seriously it's
claims. I devoloped good friendships on a website where for the first
time my "preciously held" views were directly challenged in a fair way.
Although it was a traumatic experience, (i was very indoctrinated,
after all), it was good. I thought, my faith should be strong enough to
meet these challenges and overcome them. But it wasn't.
Why
do i think
that christianity and the bible is wrong? For many reasons, but
primarily because i don't need it. It isn't necessary for any reason.
My life is better and more simple without it. I now don't have to worry
about "defending" the weird parts of the bible. I'm not concerned with
"worshiping" god enough or doing the "right" thing so that god is
happy. I'm at peace with myself and figure that if god is out there, he
is happy with me "worshiping" him by simply living a good life and
being a good husband and father.
And
if he's not
happy with that, well, why does he insist on me following the hearsay
of hearsay of hearsay that goes back two thousand years? Why not give
me some direct proof?
If
i had been
born in a different part of the world and indoctrinated in that
religion, i imagine i would have had a similar experience in giving up
that particular faith. If there is a god, i think he would rather us
worship him by being "good" to our families, those around us, and all
mankind. I say, let's not struggle and worry about which religion is
right, or if any of them are, and seek to do the right things for all
the people of the world. Surely that is time and money better spent for
a better purpose.
The
bible is too
full of contradictions to be true. Life is too wonderful and amazing to
be spent worrying about the fact that you were lucky enough to be born
in a part of the world where the "one true" religion is practiced and
so you "learned" to be a part of it.
Religion
divides
people. That is what it does, period. Religious belief hurts our
species because it causes many problems than it solves. We've got a lot
we need to overcome as a species. Adding an element of religious "right
without fact" into the mix is ridiculous. It's unneeded. It's like
adding conflict to conflict. It's like having a marriage where one
partner is addicted to gambling or hard drugs. It only causes more pain
and division in a situation that "needs effort to make work" even in
the good times. As a species, we are better than this. It's time to
move on. Let's go forward, not back.
Sincerely,
Vynn
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