I'm
an atheist.
I know that can be hard to understand sometimes. But I'll give you my
background and perhaps it will shed some light. It is true that some
atheists have had bad experiences with churches. I was one of them, but
my atheism grew from that after much contemplation and research.
I'm
41 years old
and female. I grew up in a very rural area in western Pennsylvania, on
a small dairy farm. I was within walking distance of most of my
relatives on my father's side, two aunts, and two uncles and their
familes.
We
all went to
the local Presbyterian church. It's a lovely country church. My grandma
was always with the other "ladies" in the one pew. My parents ran the
youth group a couple years, and I was in choir, Sunday School and I
even taught Bible School. There were quite a few others my age in the
church so it was nice.
One
year,
another local church burnt down. My congregation invited them to join
us in our church. I believe they were Methodists but we were close
enough that there should have been no problems. But there was, of
course. I was in my early teens and watched the whole thing. One of the
ladies from my congregation said that God had spoke to her in her
vegatable garden and said that the church should be abandoned and a new
one built. The church split over this. People were so nasty to each
other. It being that the show "Dukes of Hazard" was on at the time,
some people called the preacher "Boss Hogg" (he supported the new
church idea). Those opposed to him were the "Dukes" and my parents,
owning the main self-employed mechanic shop for the area became
"Cooter". Even to a young girl, this was ridiculous. I couldn't
understand how God could let this happen. It didn't help that my
friends' parents were on opposite sides of things. Of course, all sides
were sure that they were "good" Christians, and God sure didn't seem
inclined to show one or the other side that they were wrong.
I
prayed to God
to let me understand. There was no response and things got worse. The
new church was built and those from the new church stole the antique
communion set and an antique ceiling lamp from the old church. They
also took the regular communion set. This went on for several years and
I was more and more confused. I finally ended up reading the entire
Bible, looking for some answers and because my father didn't think I
could. I read it and found that it was full of contradictions and acts
I found horrible but that were evidently okay to God. I couldn't
understand how God who was also Jesus, and who I sang "Jesus loves the
little children" to, could be like this. Sending people to hell for no
more than not knowing about him? What of all the children? What about
all the animals and people killed during the flood and the attack upon
Sodom and Gomorrah? Why were people being damned for the sins of two
people when those sins weren't their own? I recommend everyone to read
their holy book and really see what they profess to believe.
I
used to pray
every night. I prayed to ask God to protect everything I cared about
and even things I didn't care about. Since I read that God was such a
contradiction, I stopped praying. And nothing changed. Things weren't
any better or worse, and I didn't feel like I failed if something did
go "wrong". I no longer felt that I had to supplicate God for every
little thing. I started reading more about other religions and even
tried some others, still searching for something. I came to the
realization that all religons are false because their deities do
nothing. I realized that any good that occured in the world was because
of people, not some supernatural force.
So,
now I'm an
atheist. I have a job where I help people. I contribute to charities
that I find worthy. I'm married to a perfectly wonderful man. My
parents are still the good people they have always been, though they do
not often go to church because people *still*, almost 30 years later,
are being stupid about things. I do not fear some deity in the sky and
do not need a carrot or stick to "make" me act good. I just am and I'm
happy about that.
Sincerely,
Velkyn
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